A frazzled parent’s Christmas wishlist


We’ve made it to Christmas Eve and we’ve ticked off enough of our to-do list to be able to sit down with a Baileys and binge watch some crap telly.

The presents under the tree are a few hours away from becoming wrapping paper confetti, and we’re looking forward to a treat or two of our own (fingers crossed). But aside from the totes adorbs pasta necklace or Poundland bath salts, here’s a list of what we really, really want this year.

What’s on our Christmas wishlist?

1. We’d like our kids to just stop bickering for a minute – PLEASE. This one doesn’t seem a lot to ask, does it? So why is it so hard for them?

If they can’t do it then the next best thing would be a soundproof room. Don’t mind if they go in it or we do (as long as the wifi works, and there’s somewhere to put our feet up).

2. A trip to a fancy spa hotel, you say? Adults only – what a shame! And babysitting thrown in? Well, if you insist.

Let’s head to Barnsley House, a spa hotel in the Cotswolds, where  they don’t allow any form of stressful activity whatsoever. This is a relaxation only zone. The danger? We may claim squatters rights and never, ever leave.

3. Yes, we KNOW dogs are for life, not just for Christmas. Which is why we’re wishing for some bloody help with looking after the existing pets.

Could the kids please just walk the dog or feed the cat or clean out the hamster cage? Imagine it – a year without having to worry about keeping alive the furry kids as well as the human ones.

4. It’s a variation on number 2, but could we request a week away on our own with no agenda apart from reading books, going to art exhibitions, drinking tea, eating cake and sleeping please?

Could be Paris… Could be Rome… Could be anywhere, tbh. As long as it’s a week without responsibilities to keep small people fed, warm and in the right place on time. No work, no cleaning, no cooking. Just a week of nursing our energy back to a reasonable level.

5. And finally, if we can’t have any of the above, could we at least have this please? We’ve been really, really good all year…


Merry Christmas from The School Gate! See you in 2019.