Across the country, thousands of ten- and eleven-year-olds are taking deep breaths and crawling to the finish line this week, the LAST EVER week of primary school!
Us parents are too. Not to mention the teachers.
Recognise any of these massive clues that it’s the last week of primary school?
1. You’re late for school and you don’t even care.
It’s still so hot no-one is in bed before 10.30pm and everyone’s overslept again. Besides, the attendance records came out last week with the school reports, so what are they gonna do – expel ’em?
2. The staff room is half Oddbins and half Interflora, there are so many presents and cards.
3. They’ve outgrown their uniform but there’s no point buying more (at least that’s what you’ve been saying since Christmas). You’re sending your child to school in rags, basically.
Possibly not even their own rags, as all the name tags have fallen off by now.
4. ‘What did you do at school today?’, you innocently ask.
‘We watched Shrek 2’, comes the response.
‘Didn’t you do that on Friday?’
*grunt* ‘Nooooo mum, that was Shrek 1! You’re so cringe’
5. PE kit didn’t come home after the last lesson? Don’t care.
6. How is there ANOTHER inset day? you wonder as you fill out the last of your annual leave request forms.
7. The final school performance ends at 2pm with those dreaded words ‘Parents! You can collect your child now’
8. It’s the leavers’ disco and parental eyebrows are raised to Botox levels at the Pretty Woman-esque body con dresses (do they really make that stuff for ten-year-olds?!) and the kids going home with sparkly marijuana leaves face-painted on their cheeks.
9. That school shirt you only bought two weeks ago from George at Asda has come home covered with both incomprehensible autographs and remarkably clear rude words written in Sharpie.
Plus some joker has scribbled all the way up your kid’s arm and you’ve got a christening to go to this weekend.
10. There aren’t enough tissues in the land to get you through the leavers’ assembly on the last day.
How can they be leaving school already?? They were just babies about five minutes ago!