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So, your kids have reached that age where they have their own social media accounts, huh? Oh, what fun.

It will be SO fun to bond with them, feel part of their lives, enjoy being in contact even when you’re busy at work. Right?

Weeeell. Kinda. It can be nice. But you have to follow a very strict set of rules for this to work out the way you hope it will.

And here, with the help of some very hip 10 and 11-year-olds, are the rules…

1 – NEVER comment on your child’s picture, unless the post refers to you directly or invites you to make comment.  Particularly bad things to say include: ‘You look so cool in that picture’, or ‘Oh that looks fun.’  Even worse – horrific, in fact – is if you dare to comment on a picture of one of your child’s friends. That’s, like, soooo cringe.

2 – Avoid ‘x’ kisses – these give you away for the age that you are, i.e. Very Old Indeed.  According to our experts, you can always spot the parent on social media feeds because they always use three kisses (including one capital one). Kids use emojis. But for heaven’s sake, don’t be tempted to try emojis either – you will only get it wrong and make everything about a million times worse.

3 – A user name that tries to be cool is a massive no-no. Your name, or a variation, will do.

4 – Don’t even THINK about putting a picture of your child on social media without giving them strict picture approval first. All photos must be signed off in advance. Don’t, however, expect the kids to offer you same courtesy.

5 – It’s seriously not okay to use slang like ‘peng’ or ‘fit’ or ‘savage’.  Or even ‘chillin’. These words are copyrighted to young people. And you, as we have established, are not young.

6 – Don’t use filters. Especially not those Snapchat ones with bunny ears. This is deemed deeply sad for anyone over the age of 16.

7 – Some parents are more embarrassing than others; age being the key determinant.  Kids think 35 is the cut-off point and after this all is pretty much lost. Don’t fight it or try and act younger – just accept that you are Very Old Indeed and behave accordingly.

8 – Family pictures at an occasion such as a holiday or a birthday are the exception – it’s okay for parents to use these because they are ‘sweet’. It is okay to use filters on these, as an occasional exception. Go figure.